A lot has happened since my last update and there’s so much to say.
Coming off a high of being on, “The View” I flew to Anaheim California and thought my dreams would come true; find a guy to settle down with, adopt children, sing and travel, but nothing could be further from the truth.
I had three fantastic speaking/singing engagements lined up, including an appearance on, “Access Hollywood.” Then all of a sudden, all three closed up. I was really discouraged, but I felt confident that others would open up, but they didn’t.
I also couldn’t find a job to save my life for months. I love my brother, and he’s my best friend, but it was sometimes difficult living with him. I’m sure some of you know what I’m talking about when you move in with a family member when you’re living in their house, eating their food, using their electric, etc..
Things got worse and depression started to set in and I quit going to the gym and began gaining weight. I would lay in bed eating, which is the worse position to eat in. I didn’t care and completely gave up, I didn’t care what happened. Everything continued to go south.
I was in the hospital for chest pains and found out I had gained about 80lbs. in 8 months. I was still living my alternative lifestyle and didn’t care, I knew things would turn around for me, but it didn’t.
On March 5th, feeling lower than dust on a snake’s belly, I finally decided that moving here was a BIG mistake and I made plans to put my tail between my legs and either move back to Ohio or Tennessee.
For some reason that day I decided to go to the gym and after I got back in the car, I had a message from a job that I had interviewed for 7 weeks prior and they wanted me to start the next day! THAT WAS NO COINCIDENCE! That was the Lord waiting for me to surrender. I also had a nice long talk with the Lord and I asked him, if me living an alternative lifestyle was not the plan he has for me, SHOW me, don’t tell me and he did!! I attend a couple of places to worship and Calvary Chapel in Costa Mesa has a ministry called, “Coming Out Again” and I attended the next meeting. I didn’t know what to expect; I was a little scared and cautious about going, but when I got there I was amazed at how many people were there. I heard testimony after testimony about how the Lord lead them out of that lifestyle.
I was introduced to a guy that was living an alternative lifestyle his whole life and he allowed the Lord to come in a change his life and 2 weeks ago, he got married to a really nice woman. Another young lady, who lead an alternative lifestyle for years, allowed the Lord to change her life and she’s left that lifestyle.
I also have chosen to leave that lifestyle behind and the Lord has placed my feet on a different path. Believe me, it hasn’t been easy, I’m still tempted; it’s not like a light switch you can turn on and off, but the Lord is leading me in a different direction. I would rather struggle with this, than to give in and do something the Lord clearly has SHOWN me that’s not the plan he has for me.
I know this may sound strange, but I’m glad I went through that storm for 9 months, but if I hadn’t I wouldn’t be where he wants me today. Although it wasn’t a good feeling, he was there all along. I often repeated to myself, “He’ll never leave me, or forsake me,” and he hadn’t although I felt at times he did.
I also attend a Messianic Jewish Temple and I LOVE IT! It’s something I’ve been wanting to do since before high school and everything feels right now.
I’m still living with my brother, but the tension isn’t as bad as it has been and I really enjoy my job. It’ s nice to help with the bills.
I know the Lord has plans for me and great things for me are right around the corner.
I don’t understand everything and there’s some things I can’t explain, but I know the Lord has placed me on a new path and I’m going to follow it where ever it leads.
One of my favorite Bible verses is Jeremiah 29:11 and I know everything’s going to be okay..